Wednesday, 9 May 2012

5 ways to tell you are NOT supermum!


If you are anything like me you live in constant search of the elusive SuperMum state* but sadly I never quite make it there and you know what, it is OK.  Good enough (or real) parenting rocks in my book.

Have a read through the following scenarios and see whether you fit into the SuperMum or real mum category-




1.  Supermarket shopping, Vouchers and Meals
You get to the supermarket check-out and your trolley is overflowing with bargains, bargains I tell you.  (They were all on 2 for 1 for special offer so they must be.  Yes, OK, I concede I have no meat, diary or carbohydrates but I am sure I can make a few good meals from the bounties of my shop - eclectic they may be, but luckily my kids like that!) I am pleased as punch as I managed to spend the required £90 so I can use my vouchers to claim money off and extra points and yes you guessed it, the vouchers are still sat on the microwave, at home.

SuperMum would never be conned into buying items not on her strict shopping list, nor would she forget to use her vouchers or heaven forbid, let them go out-of-date! Family meals are a very important time and they must be precisely planned at least a week in advance. Spontaneity is rather over rated don't you know?

2. The School Run
School morning and you are all late again, after screaming at the kids that the pet hamster gets it if they are not dressed within 3 minutes you hurry everyone out the door and realise you have forgotten their water bottles and also homework. As you drag your toddler along to try and make the bell they slip over and instead of stopping, you scoop them up in your arms and tut that they cannot move any faster.  Do they not know you are in a hurry? As you push your last child through the school gate the caretaker locks it and the bell sounds.  Result, they got there on time!

Tsk, tsk real mum will you never learn?  Had you thought like SuperMum you would have been up at 6am to do your pilates and gain your zen like status for the day, clothes would have been laid out the night before and all the children would be fed and dressed by 8.15am. You are the first to arrive at the school and your immaculately dressed kids then play hopscotch.

3. Birthdays and Meals Out
Ohh it is your little ones birthday, won't it be nice to go out for a meal to celebrate, after all that means no cooking and cleaning for mum, sounds perfect.  Where to go, decisions, decisions - Pizza Express maybe?  Arrive there with hubbie in a foul mood as he can not understand why you want to go out and spend £70 on as torturous meal with the kids. In your mind you get to chat with hubbie and share romantic glances across a nice glass of rose while the kids happily play with their colouring menus. The reality, child 1 is sick, child 2 throws her spaghetti over the floor and child 3 shouts he is bored every few minutes.  You watch the waitress's exchange looks as you try to pacify the kids and dh sits there with an 'I told you so' look on his face.

And what about SuperMum? Oh yes a different story for her. Supermum prepared in advance and has a voucher for £60 from her Tesco vouchers so all she has to do is buy drinks, she has sticker books with her to amuse the kids and she has pre-ordered the food so it is ready on arrival. Precisely one hour after arriving at the restaurant the super family leave having enjoyed a serene meal. If only....

4.  Dress Sense and Exercise
You arrive at the school gate for pick-up, dressed in your exercise gear and you look fetching, jogging bottoms and an old t-shirt surely do something for every saggy figure. A few mums comment wondering where you have been, pilates you tell them, it was your first class. First and last to be precise - when you saw the gorgeous instructor and realised that he would hold your leg to help you stretch out. Then when it is in the air and your jogging bottom has slipped down, there is your gorgeous white calf in its 'not been shaved for a month' glory! Not to mention the amount of times he squeeged your flabby tummy as he attempted to get you to recognise your own muscles.

You know the vision that arrives at the school gates dressed in tight black leggings, a matching cropped hoody and designer trainers on her trim size 10 body?  The blond hair is bouncy and the make-up is recently touched up, well that is SuperMum after her exercise class.  Her kids point to her from the window and proudly tell all their friends 'that is MY mum'.

5.  Housework
It is 10.55am and you have friends coming at 11am and they are the kind of friends that have those beautiful, nothing out of place kind of houses.  You would love to have the same but pah, frankly life is too short to clean constantly. So what do you do, well you get the baby wipes out of course, they make a fabulous cleaning addition. Stray clothes get thrown behind the sofa and the cupboard under the stairs is on the brink of exploding but it matters not because once you have thrown that hoover around your place will be looking fab, let's just hope they do not open any bedroom doors.

Same situation but different lifetime and SuperMum is sat with her herbal tea on her cream sofa waiting for her friends to arrive. Polly the cleaner has been in this morning for a last once over giving just enough time for SuperMum to have her nails done and to read up on the latest global news to discuss with her friends and show how clever and well informed she is.

If you know me well you will know which of these scenarios are from my real life and which are not.

In some areas of my life I have real SuperMum tendencies and then other days I just can't be bothered to keep it all up to be honest.  Life really is too short to worry about what others think and to make sure that everything is precise.

So time to reveal, you are amongst friends here - which are you, SuperMum or Real Mum?  or maybe like me a mix of both?

* I may have been telling a little fib there!

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