I have a confession to make, I have let things slip. I have fallen back into old habits. I am doing nothing positive at the moment to sort out my weight problem.
And it is a problem. Yes I posted yesterday to say I must not be defined by my fat and that still stands.
But it is also a fact that at 5ft 4" tall and just over 17 stone I am very overweight. My BMI (body mass index) is 41 and that makes me morbidly obese. I have fallen into this category for some time now and that should scare me shouldn't it? It means I have an increased risk of illness, disability and death. Not too appealing sounding.
I love my life, I love my family, husband and kids and I would like to stick around and enjoy them and this means I can not keep floating along. I said to my Mum today that I am wondering if I will ever be slim, maybe I am supposed to be large and maybe I am, but not this large. It is OK to be overweight but not to the point where your joints ache and you are risking diabetes, heart disease and a reduced life expetancy.
|I used muscles I did not know I had peddling this swan. I ached for days afterwards!|
I begun this year with a fab new desire to exercise and I was doing this 3 or 4 times a week at least and enjoying it. Then I got ill and the kids have been off school and now we are at least 3 weeks since my last session. So this has to re-start and with it I need to do some sensible eating, there is no point in me exercising my socks off and nothing else, I have come to this realisation.
It would be superb if I could now blog a load of commitments here and stick to them and get down to a healthy weight of say 11stone but it really does not feel that easy for me. I so want to be positive and say 'I can do it because I believe I can and I am a strong and assertive woman with a positive spin on life who can do anything she puts her mind to' but I have a brain block with this. I find it so hard, I set off with good intentions and then I cheat and forget and eat and that is the problem with being an addict you keep coming back to the addiction and feeding it.
Something bigger than me is needed to help me sort this out. I have to be ready to give up the control and hand this over to God and ask Him to manage it for me as I am not able to. Shall I tell you something? I am not sure I am ready to do that yet. It all feels a bit scary.
For now I'll do some footwork and re-start the exercise and show some moderation with my eating.
I am hopeful there might be an #InnerTruth linky this week and if there is, I'll be linking up there.
I hope any of you reading this and walking the same path as me are having much better luck than me.
PS - I am still completely blessed. This is one small area of my life that I can not seem to get a grip on, the rest is blissful.