You do look very familiar, there is something very accustomed about you but I just can not put my finger on it. Is it the hair, I definitely feel like I recognise the hair.
Have we met before? Am I imagining this? or are you on my tail?
Each time I turn around, you are there at the moment. I sort of feel as if you are living my life.
I walk down the street and I catch glimpses of you in the shop windows.
I see a photo and I have to look twice, is it really you? Is that you on the train with two of my children?
Is that you playing swingball with JJ?
I look in the mirror and it is not me I see but you, this stranger who seems to have replaced me with a proper fat person. That person I have been avoiding being for years. I suppose I knew all along that it would catch up with me, you can not eat like I do and get away with it. Where did that more-than-pregnant stomach come from? What about those bingo wings? and the triple chin, well lets not even go there!
So now I know that you are me I suppose the only question left is what am I going to do about this?
I am going to start dieting. I said I would never diet again, I lied. I thought I could get to a place where I could eat moderately and avoid the foods that triggered my unhealthy eating habits but I can't - maybe one day but not right now.
What I know right now is that I need to kick start myself. I need to shift some weight fairly fast to get me to the point where I enjoy abstaining from eating for the sake of it. So I am starting a diet using shakes instead of meals for 2 meals a day. I did it before back in 2006 and I did well, sadly I got ill and stopped but this time I will stay well and I will stay sane and I will lose the weight and keep it off for life. See that picture - there are my genes, this is the figure I can have when I am in my 60's if I allow my body to be what God destined it to be. Hell, let's make this happen before I am 40! So there is my goal to be in my Mums clothes before I am 40.
I am restarting the gym too, the kids will be at school and I have time, time to invest in me. What better investment could there be?
I'd say wish me luck but actually I do not need luck. I need the courage to stick with this weight loss and to find out what it is that has meant I have stayed in this fat suit hiding for so many years.
Another journey starts again on this blog, lets hope it's the last weight one!