On Friday afternoon I made a decision that I would turn my PC off and do nothing bloggy for the whole weekend. I wanted to say that I would not go on the computer at all but I needed to write the family Xmas letter and sort some photos, so basically I did minimal on the PC for 3 days. This is big for me!
The tune I had going round my head all weekend was from the 80's TV show - 'Why Don't You?' Do you recall it? One of the lines in the theme tune was 'Was don't you switch off your TV and do something less boring instead?' So in my case insert PC for TV!
You may recall that earlier this year I gave up my blog for the Lent period. So that was 6 whole weeks and I remember it being very therapeutic and freeing. I had been getting too tied up in how popular my blog was and why I had not been included in a blogging carnival - it's not fair - 'throw my toys out of the pram' type stuff! I could see some of this stupidity returning and thus the decision to remove myself for a short while.
What have things become when it feels like too much effort to get dressed up and go out on my pre-booked works do, when I just want to stay in and be glued to my laptop? When dh says he has to work on a night and I say OK as that means I do not have to go out and I can catch up with my virtual friends and work on my blog. I can easily waste 5 or 6 hours on the PC and feel as if I have achieved nothing. It is not healthy for me, it might work for you and that's OK, live and let live I say but I have lots of real friends and family and a husband all of whom need my attention far more than a blog and some people which seem nice but I hardly know. I now have 600 odd followers on twitter and how many would I say that I even know anything about - err maybe 100? OK, it is a fab little ego boast, as long as I keep it in context and remember it is not all real. I should not be defining how good I feel about myself by a few statistics.
I have felt quite cross the last few days with the bloggy world. Nothing really has happened but it feels a bit like when I was at school and I knew stuff was happening and I was not involved but no one was honest enough to just say I did not fit or they did not want me there. This could all be totally in my head but it is my head and that is how it feels! I am so glad I have the maturity now to see this and to take a break and to reflect on what is actually important.
Have I ever told you what the fundamental aim of my blog is? You would be forgiven for thinking that is is to be the most popular girl in school and often I can be found out there pimping my blog but that is not it at all and I am guilty of forgetting my aim at times. This is why this re-focus is so so important.
The aim of my blogging is to reach out to people, to connect with them, to offer inspiration, help and a message of recovery. For people to know there is always hope, you can be imperfect like me, you can have shit happen to you and you can survive it. The disease of compulsive overeating does not have to ruin your life, there is help out there and people are willing to bare their soul to help you. All of this falls under the overiding banner that through my blog I must glorify God as all things are done through him. Sometimes I know I really fall down on this and my ways are not very Christ like but I accept that I am imperfect and I will keep seeking to walk the better road and to be the person who Christ made me to be.
OK, I know I am putting off many of you by speaking like this. I am making some of you cross and right now you want to throttle me but I also know you will respect that I am who I am. I am not an evangelist I can not go out and spread the word of Christ through the Bible, I can only spread my own small message through my actions, as that is the way I shine my light. I am just conscious that often my light is dimmer than it could be.
Boy, have I gone off track from my original thought process! What I was trying to say is that the numerous emails and facebook messages I have received from people that have told me they find my blog inspirational, that they relate to my food problems and that I brightened their day are the important thing. I could have 2000 followers but if none of those people gained anything except a titillating read from my blog then I would not be meeting my aim. By having far fewer followers but having 20 or so personally contact me to thank me then I am and Amen to that!