Seeing as this blog came about as I wanted to keep track of my food issues, I seem to have lost focus on that just recently, both in real life and on here. I have been to a different ED meeting tonight, it was further away from home but I really felt earlier it was time to be brave and try a new meeting. I love my meeting but I think I can get too comfy and complacent.
I believe that I need to find a sponsor to help take me through the steps and to keep me focused on being abstinent from eating compulsively. I have suffered over the last year (can you believe I have been in a 12 step fellowship for just over a year now, how quick times flies when you are having fun etc...) with a description of what abstinence is. Some people say it is no sugar, others no sugar and no white flour, others weigh and measure every piece of food and have nothing nice at all. I heard a description on a podcast the other day, which I thought was just fab and I would like to adopt. Abstinence is being God centered rather than food centered and this just clicked and I liked its simplicity. So for now or until God reveals otherwise this is what I will work to.
As soon as I got home tonight I have text my food plan for tomorrow to my food sponsor and I have had a bottle of water. I had to drive home past a Maccy D's and it was tempting to go in there but for now (praise God) I really feel as if I would like to get abstinent and stop allowing food to rule my life. This is great news for me and for all those close to me, especially the kids as it means I will be sane to help ensure they do not end up eating like I do. I already see indications of a problem with JJ, he is food obsessed. If you ask him why he loves Mummy, his instant answer is because I cook for him! Oh dear. In the last couple of months dh and I have noticed that JJ has put some weight on around his middle, so we have cut back on some of his treats and portion size and today I really noticed a difference. Of course we have not mentioned this to him as it would not be right to make a 6 year old aware of any weight issue.
Anyway enough for tonight, I need to head off to bed, altogether I am tempted to watch the results for the election come in, but alas I do have kids and do need to get up at 7am tomorrow and I have date night planned with my hubbie tomorrow so I must stay awake for that.
Thanks for putting up with my rantings, I promise to get back to being the normal nutty me in the next few weeks and to stop posting sad posts and feeling sorry for myself.