I have been feeling pretty good the last few days - really quite confident. Today I was at work and I felt confident and I knew this made me look good, I had a new hairstyle (which loads of people commented on!), gorgeous high heels and I just felt on top of the world. My mind then turned to 'why do I need to get control of my eating and lose weight when I can feel good like this and I could just eat bad food away from my kids and still give them a good upbringing and be a good role model'.
Then I really thought about this and it just made me realise how crazy and mucked up the thinking of an addict is. I do not like to refer to myself as an addict as that conjures up pictures of drugs and alcohol but the truth is that my drug of choice is food! The fact that I have been thinking about just eating bad food away form my kids or in private is a bad thing in itself - that could lead to a whole new eating disorder.
I know I have not been trying hard enough and the problem is that I am not surrendering to God and handing this problem over. I am sure I have mentioned this lots of times on here, sorry if am boring you. I am hoping that by keep reminding myself at some point it will click and I will surrender and become abstinent.